I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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