i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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