He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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