Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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