The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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