Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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