dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
