I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
