So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize