You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
