they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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