Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She's JV to your varsity
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
