I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
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