i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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