I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
