These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
