when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
