Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
