it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
