Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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