i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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