So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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