I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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