And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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