I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just pee around me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize