Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
