oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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