3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
