Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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