I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want her autograph on my taint
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
