I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
