i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
