You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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