So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
