i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
