Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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