Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
