The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Houston, we have a squirter
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
