i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize