I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its not stalking. its research.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
