Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize