At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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