That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
