that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
