; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize