I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
