and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
