mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
