When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
