..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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