tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
