This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
