Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
