He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize
