Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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