Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
