we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
