Need sex. Gaining weight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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