I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
