im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
