Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
too bad you live with your parents still
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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