Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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