We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
