the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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